Fic: Hope (my flashfic-a-thon entry)
Apr. 21st, 2003 10:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
estepheiaThis is my entry for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
marguerite_26's flashfic-a-thon.
Written foranniesj who requested Buffy/Spike or Buffy/Giles and specified that she likes it angst-y. I was going to do both requests in one story but then the Giles-Buffy interaction took over. There's angst but also tentative reconciliation.
PAIRING: (Buffy,Giles), (Buffy/Spike - latent)
GENRE: flashfic, angst
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: up to 7x18 – “Dirty Girls”
DEDICATION: for Annie Sewell-Jennings
Hope
She peddles hope these days, or tries to. Thrusts phrases on everybody like overripe fruit about to go off, whether they want them or not. Eat your vitamins, they’re good for you. Train and you stand a chance. We’re not beaten yet. We’re an army. We’re the power.
Sometimes she can’t stand the sound of her own voice.
Buffy herself has neither time nor need for anything as complicated and fragile as hope. She has a job to do. A mission. But the others - they need something to cling to.
Here, have some hope, and in return give me your strength, your arm, your life. Your eye.
Tonight she ran out of things to say.
It’s almost dawn outside, the sky already losing its blackness, when she steps into her house, weary to the bone after long hours at the hospital. Giles meets her in the hallway. The house is quiet. Dawn, Andrew, Faith and the remaining potentials are asleep.
“You were right,” she tells him, “We knew nothing. Now we do.”
Now Buffy knows that the First has two more faces to taunt her with: Molly and Sara.
One look at her drawn face and Giles refrains from saying what he’s thinking: ‘But at what cost?’ Instead he informs her: “Spike told us what happened. How is Xander?”
“Hanging on. Already making pirate jokes.” It costs her every ounce of strength not to burst into tears. Words cannot express how glad she is that the First didn’t get to add Xander to its growing repertoire of faces.
Annabelle. Eve. Chloe. Molly. Sara. There will be more before this is over.
Giles looks angry but his voice is soft. “How is Willow?”
“She didn’t go vein-y and vengeance-y, if that’s what you’re asking. She and Kennedy are staying at the hospital, in case Caleb tries to finish what he started.”
“I called the coven and told them about Caleb. Their seers are doing everything they can to find out more about him.”
Buffy nods. She doesn’t allow herself to hope that the coven will miraculously pull a magical weapon, amulet, or spell out of a hat, that will send the First packing. You can’t build a strategy on hope.
“I’m gonna go check on Spike,” Buffy hears herself say and steps towards the basement. Not that Spike needs checking. It’s just a lame excuse to get away from the carefully restrained disapproval she can feel radiating from her ex-watcher.
“Buffy!”
She turns around, arms folded in front of her chest. All she wants is to look in on Spike, take a shower, check on Dawn and sleep for a year or two. If this is another lecture on the gravity of the situation then she doesn’t want to hear it.
“I’m here to help you, Buffy,” Giles says in his best Watcher-voice, “but if you dismiss everything I have to say because you resent me for trying to deal with Spike, then you’re putting yourself and everybody else in grave danger.”
It takes a moment for the full implication to sink in. “Are you saying Xander lost an eye because I was being petty?”
“You were angry and it affected your judgement. Buffy, I need you to understand that the decision to remove Spike wasn’t personal. I agree it was for Wood, but—“
“Remove? Giles, you went behind my back. You lied to me to kill a—a man who is on our side. If the trigger had been in Xander’s mind or Willow’s, would you have done the same?”
Admittedly, he never asked himself that question. Giles takes off his glasses and tries to regroup. “That’s not the point, Buffy, and you know it. You risked lives by keeping him around. Believe me, when it comes to Spike you’re not objective anymore.”
“Oh but I am. I am so objective, it’s hurting me, Giles. I’ve pushed love and friendship so far from my mind they make Australia look like our front yard. To win this war I’d sacrifice Spike, Dawn, you, myself. I killed Angel when I loved him more than anything in this world, so don’t you dare tell me I’m too infatuated to do the same to Spike. What I feel for Spike has nothing to do with how I fight this war.”
“What you feel--. How can you possibly feel anything for him, Buffy?” How she can even bear to look at her assailant, let alone defend him.
The disgust in his voice must have given him away because her eyes widen in understanding. “Who told you?”
“What?”
“Was it Xander or Dawn?” Her voice is calm.
“Does it really matter?”
“No, I guess not.” She sighs and when she continues her voice has lost its angry edge, is patient, almost serene. “Giles, I told Robin and I’m telling you: I have no time for vendettas, not even my own. I don’t need you to fight my battles, either. I don’t care how you feel about Spike. Get over it.”
He wants to tell her he’s sorry. Not for becoming Wood’s accomplice, but for letting her down long before that. However, the words are stuck in his throat because suddenly it is like his vision shifts and there are two Buffys, overlapping: the young, often foolish girl he has trained and led, the girl whose father he would have liked to be; and this young woman, who is standing tall, moving uphill without looking back, who is ready to take on the very source of Evil itself.
The time when she needed him to stand by her side, to take her hand - that time is past. Time to let go and join the ranks.
Buffy is looking at him, waiting for his reply.
“If anyone can beat the First, it’s you,” he finally says with conviction and for the first time in months he believes there might be hope for the world yet.
She gives him a faint smile. “Good night, Giles.”
(1000 words)
Many thanks tolordshiva for helping with the POV (is this better?) and ladycat777 for giving this a once over.
marguerite_26's flashfic-a-thon.Written for
anniesj who requested Buffy/Spike or Buffy/Giles and specified that she likes it angst-y. I was going to do both requests in one story but then the Giles-Buffy interaction took over. There's angst but also tentative reconciliation.PAIRING: (Buffy,Giles), (Buffy/Spike - latent)
GENRE: flashfic, angst
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: up to 7x18 – “Dirty Girls”
DEDICATION: for Annie Sewell-Jennings
Hope
She peddles hope these days, or tries to. Thrusts phrases on everybody like overripe fruit about to go off, whether they want them or not. Eat your vitamins, they’re good for you. Train and you stand a chance. We’re not beaten yet. We’re an army. We’re the power.
Sometimes she can’t stand the sound of her own voice.
Buffy herself has neither time nor need for anything as complicated and fragile as hope. She has a job to do. A mission. But the others - they need something to cling to.
Here, have some hope, and in return give me your strength, your arm, your life. Your eye.
Tonight she ran out of things to say.
It’s almost dawn outside, the sky already losing its blackness, when she steps into her house, weary to the bone after long hours at the hospital. Giles meets her in the hallway. The house is quiet. Dawn, Andrew, Faith and the remaining potentials are asleep.
“You were right,” she tells him, “We knew nothing. Now we do.”
Now Buffy knows that the First has two more faces to taunt her with: Molly and Sara.
One look at her drawn face and Giles refrains from saying what he’s thinking: ‘But at what cost?’ Instead he informs her: “Spike told us what happened. How is Xander?”
“Hanging on. Already making pirate jokes.” It costs her every ounce of strength not to burst into tears. Words cannot express how glad she is that the First didn’t get to add Xander to its growing repertoire of faces.
Annabelle. Eve. Chloe. Molly. Sara. There will be more before this is over.
Giles looks angry but his voice is soft. “How is Willow?”
“She didn’t go vein-y and vengeance-y, if that’s what you’re asking. She and Kennedy are staying at the hospital, in case Caleb tries to finish what he started.”
“I called the coven and told them about Caleb. Their seers are doing everything they can to find out more about him.”
Buffy nods. She doesn’t allow herself to hope that the coven will miraculously pull a magical weapon, amulet, or spell out of a hat, that will send the First packing. You can’t build a strategy on hope.
“I’m gonna go check on Spike,” Buffy hears herself say and steps towards the basement. Not that Spike needs checking. It’s just a lame excuse to get away from the carefully restrained disapproval she can feel radiating from her ex-watcher.
“Buffy!”
She turns around, arms folded in front of her chest. All she wants is to look in on Spike, take a shower, check on Dawn and sleep for a year or two. If this is another lecture on the gravity of the situation then she doesn’t want to hear it.
“I’m here to help you, Buffy,” Giles says in his best Watcher-voice, “but if you dismiss everything I have to say because you resent me for trying to deal with Spike, then you’re putting yourself and everybody else in grave danger.”
It takes a moment for the full implication to sink in. “Are you saying Xander lost an eye because I was being petty?”
“You were angry and it affected your judgement. Buffy, I need you to understand that the decision to remove Spike wasn’t personal. I agree it was for Wood, but—“
“Remove? Giles, you went behind my back. You lied to me to kill a—a man who is on our side. If the trigger had been in Xander’s mind or Willow’s, would you have done the same?”
Admittedly, he never asked himself that question. Giles takes off his glasses and tries to regroup. “That’s not the point, Buffy, and you know it. You risked lives by keeping him around. Believe me, when it comes to Spike you’re not objective anymore.”
“Oh but I am. I am so objective, it’s hurting me, Giles. I’ve pushed love and friendship so far from my mind they make Australia look like our front yard. To win this war I’d sacrifice Spike, Dawn, you, myself. I killed Angel when I loved him more than anything in this world, so don’t you dare tell me I’m too infatuated to do the same to Spike. What I feel for Spike has nothing to do with how I fight this war.”
“What you feel--. How can you possibly feel anything for him, Buffy?” How she can even bear to look at her assailant, let alone defend him.
The disgust in his voice must have given him away because her eyes widen in understanding. “Who told you?”
“What?”
“Was it Xander or Dawn?” Her voice is calm.
“Does it really matter?”
“No, I guess not.” She sighs and when she continues her voice has lost its angry edge, is patient, almost serene. “Giles, I told Robin and I’m telling you: I have no time for vendettas, not even my own. I don’t need you to fight my battles, either. I don’t care how you feel about Spike. Get over it.”
He wants to tell her he’s sorry. Not for becoming Wood’s accomplice, but for letting her down long before that. However, the words are stuck in his throat because suddenly it is like his vision shifts and there are two Buffys, overlapping: the young, often foolish girl he has trained and led, the girl whose father he would have liked to be; and this young woman, who is standing tall, moving uphill without looking back, who is ready to take on the very source of Evil itself.
The time when she needed him to stand by her side, to take her hand - that time is past. Time to let go and join the ranks.
Buffy is looking at him, waiting for his reply.
“If anyone can beat the First, it’s you,” he finally says with conviction and for the first time in months he believes there might be hope for the world yet.
She gives him a faint smile. “Good night, Giles.”
(1000 words)
Many thanks to
lordshiva for helping with the POV (is this better?) and ladycat777 for giving this a once over.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 01:47 am (UTC)I really like how you brought to the surface the underlying issue for Giles -- That's Buffy's grown up and she doesn't need him and he has to start trusting her. :-) Perfect!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 06:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 08:07 am (UTC)no subject
I'm glad you like it.
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Date: 2003-04-21 01:54 am (UTC)It amazes me how much you can pull off with just 1000 words.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 06:48 am (UTC)It amazes me how much you can pull off with just 1000 words.
You can say that again. Some of the stories I read so far are amazing.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 06:00 am (UTC)You are the bomb-diggity. ::licks you::
Thank you so much! Squee!
no subject
I'm glad you like your Easter-flashfic-egg.
When I read Buffy/Giles my first thought was ewwwww, until I realized it was for you... Imagine my relief. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 07:14 am (UTC):-)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 07:28 am (UTC)(Although, technically, 'nice' is not what I was aiming for *g*)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 09:30 am (UTC)Reads like the scene we will never get.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 11:30 am (UTC)Your a good minion. :-D
Re:
Date: 2003-04-21 02:21 pm (UTC)Your wish is my command oh sire 'o mine. You did want me to suck your toe right???
After the end of Buffy would be great timing. Keep the fandom alive a little while longer...
I might enrol some help though.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 01:17 pm (UTC)Gorgeous. Reads like a scene we just didn't get to see, which is quite often my favorite kind of story. Terrific characterization, and the Giles' thoughts about letting go and joining the ranks was deliciously painful.
She doesn’t allow herself to hope that the coven will miraculously pull a magical weapon, amulet, or spell out of a hat, that will send the First packing. You can’t build a strategy on hope.
And *everything* is secondary to that right now. Quite a change from early!Buffy too, I think.
Excellent.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 01:27 pm (UTC)Isn't it amazing how a 1000-word limit forces you to focus on the essentials? It's like the story is in a piece of marble and you chip everything away that's not part of the idea or theme.
I'm glad you like it. I really sweated over this one. :-)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 09:02 pm (UTC)It really shows, too. *g*
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Date: 2003-04-21 01:36 pm (UTC)liked this a lot
Date: 2003-04-21 01:41 pm (UTC)Re: liked this a lot
Date: 2003-04-22 11:03 pm (UTC)He really is out of the loop, which is no good foundation for decisions. And he *did* warn everybody not to expect instant results from the magical stone, but was ignored...
Anyway, I'm glad you liked this. Thanks for feeding me back. :-)
Re: liked this a lot
Date: 2003-04-23 12:44 am (UTC)What I find unforgivable is that Giles himself ignored it. He knew that the stone wouldn't work right away and that he needed to give it a little time; but instead of giving it that time, his attitude was "he's had his two minutes, now let's dust him". The fact that he ignored his own knowledge that the trigger wouldn't be instantly sprung made his real agenda - killing Spike on the slightest pretext - clear to me. I don't know what they've done with the real Giles but this one is pretty unpleasant. Hoping there's an explanation because I used to love him!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 09:55 pm (UTC)The time when she needed him to stand by her side, to take her hand - that time is past. Time to let go and join the ranks.
And I love the lines above -- they really capture the changing B/G dynamic.
Thanks Tia
Date: 2003-04-22 01:08 am (UTC)Glad you like.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
We aim to please.
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Date: 2003-04-22 08:48 am (UTC)Mer
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 10:50 am (UTC)Thanks, Mer.