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Let's Talk About Sex
I wish I could post in two columns. If I could, I'd post the old version of LTAS part 10 in the left column, and the new version in the right column, for people to compare. I just polished another chapter. I know, I spent way too long on a project that's basically old news, but I'm pleased with the result. Which is why I'm posting the new version behind the cut, and linking you to the old version, in case you'd like to compare the two. And no, I won't repost the whole series here, but today I feel extra proud.
LTAS was my first ever slash fic. I'm fond of it, but I always felt it needed another polish. Back then, I was so much happier, when writing. I had no real clue what I was doing, just merrily typed away. These days I've read so many books on writing, have studied so many aspects of writing, that I'm practically paralyzed by the multitude of decisions that I face whenever I sit down in front of my computer. Bah. Polishing this old series at least dismantles the nostalgic fantasy that I was a better writer back then. More prolific? Yes. Better? Nope. :-)
BTW: If you spot any mistakes, please please please let me know. I no longer have a regular beta to send my stories to. (I know I haven't fixed every POV glitch, only most of them)
Also, I am eager to grab the opportunity to show off my beautiful new icon, which![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
essene made for me.
Previous polished chapters are here.
The old version of part 10 is here.
Let's Talk About Sex - Part 10
Spike/Xander - slash - the whole seris is NC-17, but this part is PG13
PART 10 - Trust I Seek
It was the ultimate indignity, coughing like a sodding human, just because a few crumbs had found their way into his windpipe. And then, as though to add insult to injury, Harris began to awkwardly pat his back. Or maybe Harris was just trying to cop a feel. Spike shrugged him off, silently vowing to rip out Droopy Boy’s spine, should he ever breathe a word about this to his chums.
Finally, the coughing fit subsided, leaving behind a silence charged with the two words that had triggered it in the first place: *A threesome?*Gobsmacked, Spike gaped at the human. Xander sat beside him, sweating nervously, a sheepish expression on his face. Spike blinked, then his eyebrows shot up.
For a wild, insane moment it all made perfect sense - in a remote, Sunnydale-y kind of way: Anya. Of course. Always hankering for sex, love, and attention. The pretty ex-demon had engineered this, had browbeaten Harris into this. Had an itch she wanted scratching, ever since that night at the Bronze… Spike understood hunger, understood need. Hell, he’d practically written the manual. It all made sense…
A threesome, with Harris and his demon girl, God, yes! Lust surged through Spike like a nuclear blast. Scorching hot. Dizzying. Breathtaking. Making him hard faster than the hottest of fantasies.
Until suspicion slammed on the brakes, bringing Spike face to face with the ugly truth: Hell would freeze over first, before luck, fate, or the soddin' Powers Who Fucked Things Up allowed him to get away with another good day.
The real Harris would never go along with something like that, not in a million years.
*Oh balls! Now I know. It’s another bleedin' dream! That's what this is. Any second now I'm gonna wake up with a raging boner, feeling utterly stupid. And I'll have to stake myself to put myself out of my misery.* Those were the thoughts that raced through his brain. Actually they didn't really race; they stumbled around and bumped into each other. And underneath that confusion, demonic anger was rising, because the demon didn't like it when things got complicated.
Frowning, Spike willed himself to wake up. Nothing happened. He could still see and smell Harris, and he could still taste Willow’s brownies in his mouth. Right then. If it wasn’t a dream, then Harris was messing with him, setting him up.
April Fools Day? Not yet. Candid Camera? Rubbish. A bet or a dare? More like. He tried to picture Xander playing Truth or Dare. Would the chance to royally screw with Spike’s mind outweigh Harris’s inner prude? If Spike were in Xander’s sneakers, he’d do it in a heartbeat, if only for payback. After all, Spike had never passed up an opportunity to mess with the boy’s compass needle. Bristling with suspicion, Spike glared at him, looking for that tell-tale smirk that would tell him that deep down Xander was gloating.
"Ground control to Major Spike. You in there?" Xander waved a hand in front of Spike’s eyes. “Hello?” He wasn't sure what to make of the vampire's uncanny silence. He’d expected Mr. Foulmouth to either spew scathing insults, or eagerly jump at the opportunity for a good 'shag'. Introspective Spike just felt all wrong. And some very strange expressions had flitted over Spike's face, not all of them pleasant.
“Spike? You okay?”
"Is this some kind of joke?" Spike’s voice held more than a hint of menace.
"Um, no. No joke," Xander said, taken aback by the sudden hostility in Spike’s demeanor. His determination wobbled, wavered, and finally crumbled. In its place, a nervous babble took over: "Although—You know what? Yup, a joke, that's all. Bad joke. I see that now. My bad. Forget I ever suggested—uh--said anything. Let's all laugh heartily, here, in private, where no one ever finds out about this, right? And then let’s quickly forget this… uh, conversation ever took place, and when I say ‘quickly’ I mean ‘right away.’ What do you say?"
Spike slowly tilted his head, appraising him like a lion appraises a tasty zebra. A back-pedaling zebra. Xander swallowed.
“Look here, Spike, like I said, let’s forget—“
“Like hell,” Spike brushed Xander’s babble aside. "What you just said—" he broke off and took a deep breath, trying – without great success – to look nonchalant. He took the plunge: "It wasn’t a joke, was it? And it wasn’t a theoretical question either…”
“Er… no, not exactly.” Xander smiled weakly, visibly struggling for composure, like a man determined to meet a cruel fate with his dignity intact.
“An invite? A pass? "
Xander swallowed. His heart was beating madly in his chest, so hard, it hurt. “An, uh, open door?”
"Oh."
Thoroughly floored, Spike had to close his eyes for a moment, to keep at least some of his feelings locked inside. It wouldn’t do to let Harris get too close a look. Spike shook his head. Wouldn’t do at all.
A thought crossed his mind and he squinted at his opposite. "You're not under a spell, are you? Willow's quaint little my-will-be-done mojo comes to mind. " Spike affected a leer. “Not that I mind…”
Xander thought it over, then shook his head. “Nuh, no spell. This is something Anya's been trying to talk me into for almost a year," he explained, losing some of his nervousness, now that the big whopper was out in the open. He was even beginning to enjoy the situation. He had never seen the vampire so out of his depth. "Told ya, Anya likes to try... weird... things. You should see some of her toys… um, or maybe not." He cleared his throat. "So, what's your answer? Five words or less."
“I’ll give you two.” Spike jumped off the sarcophagus and began to pace: "Won't work."
"What?"
"It won't work," the vampire repeated, even though his inner voice screamed: *Just say yes, you idiot!*
"Why not?"
"You can’t stand me. An’ that’s just for starters. Besides, you don't trust me. What did you do, pick my name out of a hat?"
"Um, no. No hat."
The vampire stopped pacing and tilted his head. "I'm listening."
Xander swallowed. "Well, Anya goes for Freddy Prince Junior and Ben Affleck, but I just can't seem to get hold of their agents. And hey, since I'm fresh out of time machines, I think vintage Paul Newman is probably out of the question. Anya hasn't been human long enough to make many friends and, I... well, I told you, it's not like I'm Mr. Popular." Xander shifted uneasily under the vampire's gaze, aware that he was blushing. "... so I, um, sort of decided to, well, ask you."
"Why me?" Spike asked. His eyes never left Xander's.
"Well, um, better the devil you know..."
" ...than the devil you don't know, yeah, I get it," Spike said. "Still, it won't work. I like a nice, kinky shag like the next bloke, but believe me when I tell you that you wanna do this sort of thing with someone you actually like. Someone you trust."
"I trust you," Xander said.
"No you don't."
"Last night—"
"You were drunk. We both were," Spike said harshly. "But not now. Here, let me show you something."
Spike grabbed Xander's shirt and yanked him roughly off the stone slab. Too surprised to offer any real resistance, Xander let himself be manhandled backwards until the sharp edge of the bier dug painfully into his hip. Suddenly, Xander found himself trapped between a rock and a hard place, between the unyielding stone bier in his back, and Spike’s lean muscular body. A body that was hard in more ways than one.
"Whoa!"
Moving faster than humanly possible, Spike snaked his arms around him, effectively pinning Xander's arms to his side. A moment later Spike’s hand was buried in Xander’s hair, pulling his head back by his scalp to expose the jugular. Xander froze, paralyzed by a sudden surge of deep-seated fear. He began to struggle, but the vampire's grip was unbreakable.
And then Spike’s features changed. Blue eyes burst into feral yellow. Bony ridges formed, and razor-sharp fangs replaced human teeth – lethal vampire fangs. Xander’s heartbeat broke into a panicked gallop. Every instinct screamed for him to run. For a gut-churning second, he even forgot that Spike couldn’t harm him, that the chip was keeping Spike in check. Xander had seen his share of vampire faces before, but never this close. And never before had his neck been this exposed. The chill of Spike’s breath on his throat sent a shiver of fear down his spine.
"See?" Spike said, grinning wickedly. "Now tell me you're not afraid."
"Spike? Let me go!" Xander stammered, suddenly uncertain. He wrestled down the urge to flee. Spike couldn’t hurt him. Spike was harmless. Chipped. Neutered.
“You know it, don’t you? That you’re food. Deep down, you know. I can smell it. Can hear it in your pulse.” Spike licked the exposed throat, tracing Xander’s jugular with his tongue, before he pulled back to squarely meet Xander’s wide-eyed stare. “Can taste it on your skin.”
Xander shuddered, and not just from fear or revulsion.
"Now, maybe you like living dangerously,” the vampire whispered softly into his ear. “Get a kick out of it. Maybe it’s true and you want to get in my pants," Spike smirked, "which could lead to all sorts of fun. But I can't see you letting a vampire - any vampire - touch your honey."
Xander stubbornly shook his head. Yes, he was afraid. It was one thing to rationalize that Spike couldn't hurt him because of the chip in his skull, and quite another one to have his fangs within biting distance. Of course his body was reacting with primeval fear. . Yet even as his instincts shrieked at him to get out of Spike's reach, part of him knew he was in no real danger. And for some unfathomable reason, he didn't think Spike would ever be a threat to Anya, either.
"I. Trust. You," Xander forced himself to say. Even to his own ears the words sounded flimsy, far from convincing.
"No you don't," Spike said with resignation. "At best, you trust technology. That little tic-toc machine inside my noggin'. But you don't trust me. The very second the chip comes out or malfunctions you'll be the first to ask Buffy to stake me good an' proper."
Spike shook his head. His true face melted away only to be replaced by his human features: blue eyes, prominent cheekbones and very sensuous lips. At the same time, he let go of Xander’s hair. However, Spike did not relinquish his hold on Xander’s body, thus keeping them both locked in this parody of an embrace.
Xander still couldn’t move his arms, but he was pretty sure that if he decided to break away now, Spike wouldn’t stop him. He was surprised to discover that he had no real desire to break free. He couldn’t stop staring into those dark blue eyes. There was something in Spike’s eyes that didn’t fit, something that had nothing to do with bloodlust or mind games…
For several thundering heartbeats, Spike returned his gaze, but then his gaze strayed to Xander’s lips, as if taking aim, only to flit back up to meet dark brown eyes. Xander could see Spike’s chest heaving, could see Spike’s nostrils flare.
Finally, with an exasperated snarl, Spike dropped both his hands to his sides, jerking away from Xander as though the human were red hot.
"Like I said ," he said, brimming with frustration. “Won't work.”
"Shut up, Spike," Xander murmured, and before he had a chance to change his mind, he grabbed the surprised vampire by the shoulders and yanked him forward.
LTAS was my first ever slash fic. I'm fond of it, but I always felt it needed another polish. Back then, I was so much happier, when writing. I had no real clue what I was doing, just merrily typed away. These days I've read so many books on writing, have studied so many aspects of writing, that I'm practically paralyzed by the multitude of decisions that I face whenever I sit down in front of my computer. Bah. Polishing this old series at least dismantles the nostalgic fantasy that I was a better writer back then. More prolific? Yes. Better? Nope. :-)
BTW: If you spot any mistakes, please please please let me know. I no longer have a regular beta to send my stories to. (I know I haven't fixed every POV glitch, only most of them)
Also, I am eager to grab the opportunity to show off my beautiful new icon, which
essene made for me.Previous polished chapters are here.
The old version of part 10 is here.
Let's Talk About Sex - Part 10
Spike/Xander - slash - the whole seris is NC-17, but this part is PG13
PART 10 - Trust I Seek
It was the ultimate indignity, coughing like a sodding human, just because a few crumbs had found their way into his windpipe. And then, as though to add insult to injury, Harris began to awkwardly pat his back. Or maybe Harris was just trying to cop a feel. Spike shrugged him off, silently vowing to rip out Droopy Boy’s spine, should he ever breathe a word about this to his chums.
Finally, the coughing fit subsided, leaving behind a silence charged with the two words that had triggered it in the first place: *A threesome?*Gobsmacked, Spike gaped at the human. Xander sat beside him, sweating nervously, a sheepish expression on his face. Spike blinked, then his eyebrows shot up.
For a wild, insane moment it all made perfect sense - in a remote, Sunnydale-y kind of way: Anya. Of course. Always hankering for sex, love, and attention. The pretty ex-demon had engineered this, had browbeaten Harris into this. Had an itch she wanted scratching, ever since that night at the Bronze… Spike understood hunger, understood need. Hell, he’d practically written the manual. It all made sense…
A threesome, with Harris and his demon girl, God, yes! Lust surged through Spike like a nuclear blast. Scorching hot. Dizzying. Breathtaking. Making him hard faster than the hottest of fantasies.
Until suspicion slammed on the brakes, bringing Spike face to face with the ugly truth: Hell would freeze over first, before luck, fate, or the soddin' Powers Who Fucked Things Up allowed him to get away with another good day.
The real Harris would never go along with something like that, not in a million years.
*Oh balls! Now I know. It’s another bleedin' dream! That's what this is. Any second now I'm gonna wake up with a raging boner, feeling utterly stupid. And I'll have to stake myself to put myself out of my misery.* Those were the thoughts that raced through his brain. Actually they didn't really race; they stumbled around and bumped into each other. And underneath that confusion, demonic anger was rising, because the demon didn't like it when things got complicated.
Frowning, Spike willed himself to wake up. Nothing happened. He could still see and smell Harris, and he could still taste Willow’s brownies in his mouth. Right then. If it wasn’t a dream, then Harris was messing with him, setting him up.
April Fools Day? Not yet. Candid Camera? Rubbish. A bet or a dare? More like. He tried to picture Xander playing Truth or Dare. Would the chance to royally screw with Spike’s mind outweigh Harris’s inner prude? If Spike were in Xander’s sneakers, he’d do it in a heartbeat, if only for payback. After all, Spike had never passed up an opportunity to mess with the boy’s compass needle. Bristling with suspicion, Spike glared at him, looking for that tell-tale smirk that would tell him that deep down Xander was gloating.
"Ground control to Major Spike. You in there?" Xander waved a hand in front of Spike’s eyes. “Hello?” He wasn't sure what to make of the vampire's uncanny silence. He’d expected Mr. Foulmouth to either spew scathing insults, or eagerly jump at the opportunity for a good 'shag'. Introspective Spike just felt all wrong. And some very strange expressions had flitted over Spike's face, not all of them pleasant.
“Spike? You okay?”
"Is this some kind of joke?" Spike’s voice held more than a hint of menace.
"Um, no. No joke," Xander said, taken aback by the sudden hostility in Spike’s demeanor. His determination wobbled, wavered, and finally crumbled. In its place, a nervous babble took over: "Although—You know what? Yup, a joke, that's all. Bad joke. I see that now. My bad. Forget I ever suggested—uh--said anything. Let's all laugh heartily, here, in private, where no one ever finds out about this, right? And then let’s quickly forget this… uh, conversation ever took place, and when I say ‘quickly’ I mean ‘right away.’ What do you say?"
Spike slowly tilted his head, appraising him like a lion appraises a tasty zebra. A back-pedaling zebra. Xander swallowed.
“Look here, Spike, like I said, let’s forget—“
“Like hell,” Spike brushed Xander’s babble aside. "What you just said—" he broke off and took a deep breath, trying – without great success – to look nonchalant. He took the plunge: "It wasn’t a joke, was it? And it wasn’t a theoretical question either…”
“Er… no, not exactly.” Xander smiled weakly, visibly struggling for composure, like a man determined to meet a cruel fate with his dignity intact.
“An invite? A pass? "
Xander swallowed. His heart was beating madly in his chest, so hard, it hurt. “An, uh, open door?”
"Oh."
Thoroughly floored, Spike had to close his eyes for a moment, to keep at least some of his feelings locked inside. It wouldn’t do to let Harris get too close a look. Spike shook his head. Wouldn’t do at all.
A thought crossed his mind and he squinted at his opposite. "You're not under a spell, are you? Willow's quaint little my-will-be-done mojo comes to mind. " Spike affected a leer. “Not that I mind…”
Xander thought it over, then shook his head. “Nuh, no spell. This is something Anya's been trying to talk me into for almost a year," he explained, losing some of his nervousness, now that the big whopper was out in the open. He was even beginning to enjoy the situation. He had never seen the vampire so out of his depth. "Told ya, Anya likes to try... weird... things. You should see some of her toys… um, or maybe not." He cleared his throat. "So, what's your answer? Five words or less."
“I’ll give you two.” Spike jumped off the sarcophagus and began to pace: "Won't work."
"What?"
"It won't work," the vampire repeated, even though his inner voice screamed: *Just say yes, you idiot!*
"Why not?"
"You can’t stand me. An’ that’s just for starters. Besides, you don't trust me. What did you do, pick my name out of a hat?"
"Um, no. No hat."
The vampire stopped pacing and tilted his head. "I'm listening."
Xander swallowed. "Well, Anya goes for Freddy Prince Junior and Ben Affleck, but I just can't seem to get hold of their agents. And hey, since I'm fresh out of time machines, I think vintage Paul Newman is probably out of the question. Anya hasn't been human long enough to make many friends and, I... well, I told you, it's not like I'm Mr. Popular." Xander shifted uneasily under the vampire's gaze, aware that he was blushing. "... so I, um, sort of decided to, well, ask you."
"Why me?" Spike asked. His eyes never left Xander's.
"Well, um, better the devil you know..."
" ...than the devil you don't know, yeah, I get it," Spike said. "Still, it won't work. I like a nice, kinky shag like the next bloke, but believe me when I tell you that you wanna do this sort of thing with someone you actually like. Someone you trust."
"I trust you," Xander said.
"No you don't."
"Last night—"
"You were drunk. We both were," Spike said harshly. "But not now. Here, let me show you something."
Spike grabbed Xander's shirt and yanked him roughly off the stone slab. Too surprised to offer any real resistance, Xander let himself be manhandled backwards until the sharp edge of the bier dug painfully into his hip. Suddenly, Xander found himself trapped between a rock and a hard place, between the unyielding stone bier in his back, and Spike’s lean muscular body. A body that was hard in more ways than one.
"Whoa!"
Moving faster than humanly possible, Spike snaked his arms around him, effectively pinning Xander's arms to his side. A moment later Spike’s hand was buried in Xander’s hair, pulling his head back by his scalp to expose the jugular. Xander froze, paralyzed by a sudden surge of deep-seated fear. He began to struggle, but the vampire's grip was unbreakable.
And then Spike’s features changed. Blue eyes burst into feral yellow. Bony ridges formed, and razor-sharp fangs replaced human teeth – lethal vampire fangs. Xander’s heartbeat broke into a panicked gallop. Every instinct screamed for him to run. For a gut-churning second, he even forgot that Spike couldn’t harm him, that the chip was keeping Spike in check. Xander had seen his share of vampire faces before, but never this close. And never before had his neck been this exposed. The chill of Spike’s breath on his throat sent a shiver of fear down his spine.
"See?" Spike said, grinning wickedly. "Now tell me you're not afraid."
"Spike? Let me go!" Xander stammered, suddenly uncertain. He wrestled down the urge to flee. Spike couldn’t hurt him. Spike was harmless. Chipped. Neutered.
“You know it, don’t you? That you’re food. Deep down, you know. I can smell it. Can hear it in your pulse.” Spike licked the exposed throat, tracing Xander’s jugular with his tongue, before he pulled back to squarely meet Xander’s wide-eyed stare. “Can taste it on your skin.”
Xander shuddered, and not just from fear or revulsion.
"Now, maybe you like living dangerously,” the vampire whispered softly into his ear. “Get a kick out of it. Maybe it’s true and you want to get in my pants," Spike smirked, "which could lead to all sorts of fun. But I can't see you letting a vampire - any vampire - touch your honey."
Xander stubbornly shook his head. Yes, he was afraid. It was one thing to rationalize that Spike couldn't hurt him because of the chip in his skull, and quite another one to have his fangs within biting distance. Of course his body was reacting with primeval fear. . Yet even as his instincts shrieked at him to get out of Spike's reach, part of him knew he was in no real danger. And for some unfathomable reason, he didn't think Spike would ever be a threat to Anya, either.
"I. Trust. You," Xander forced himself to say. Even to his own ears the words sounded flimsy, far from convincing.
"No you don't," Spike said with resignation. "At best, you trust technology. That little tic-toc machine inside my noggin'. But you don't trust me. The very second the chip comes out or malfunctions you'll be the first to ask Buffy to stake me good an' proper."
Spike shook his head. His true face melted away only to be replaced by his human features: blue eyes, prominent cheekbones and very sensuous lips. At the same time, he let go of Xander’s hair. However, Spike did not relinquish his hold on Xander’s body, thus keeping them both locked in this parody of an embrace.
Xander still couldn’t move his arms, but he was pretty sure that if he decided to break away now, Spike wouldn’t stop him. He was surprised to discover that he had no real desire to break free. He couldn’t stop staring into those dark blue eyes. There was something in Spike’s eyes that didn’t fit, something that had nothing to do with bloodlust or mind games…
For several thundering heartbeats, Spike returned his gaze, but then his gaze strayed to Xander’s lips, as if taking aim, only to flit back up to meet dark brown eyes. Xander could see Spike’s chest heaving, could see Spike’s nostrils flare.
Finally, with an exasperated snarl, Spike dropped both his hands to his sides, jerking away from Xander as though the human were red hot.
"Like I said ," he said, brimming with frustration. “Won't work.”
"Shut up, Spike," Xander murmured, and before he had a chance to change his mind, he grabbed the surprised vampire by the shoulders and yanked him forward.
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That was wonderful! I'm so glad that you're going back over this and giving it a 'bit of a seeing too'. It's more then worth it.
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The funny thing is, I didn't even like Xander at the time, when I started writing S/X. I liked Chocolatey Goodness!Xander - but not Mutant Enemy!Xander. ;-)
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Both characters come across exceptionally well.
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I may try it.
I once posted an "audio commentary" for one of my fics on LJ - and read a few made by other people. I find these posts terribly useful and interesting, I'm just not sure how many other people share that interest. :-)
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In times of writer's block, tinkering with old stories is a way of not completely giving up on fanfic, you know?
*smooch*
I miss the old fandom days, when everything and everybody was young and shiny and full of steam. *sigh*
And I miss my Jossverse shows. :-(
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*sighs*
21 minutes and then will catch up on reading.
Did want to offer my services as beta if you ever are in a tight spot.
Just let me know!
*checks*
20 minutes! Yay!