estepheia: (Spike & Angel)
estepheia ([personal profile] estepheia) wrote2003-04-14 01:16 pm

It's time for another peeve post

If this will make me unpopular, so be it. I have to vent. Please do not feel insulted. It's nothing personal. Whatever floats your boat, etc.

Hunging season is open. Here's a list of words and expressions that I'd rather shoot myself than use (although I may have used them in my younger days...)

* chocolate orbs traveling the angular planes of his face
* cerulean orbs
* velvety orbs

What is it with those orbs? The only orbs I like are real objects. And the chocolate. Chocolate eyes? a) read it so often that it makes me gag, b) has a horrible eating vibe which doesn't go well with eyeballs. Eeew.
'Cerulean' is a nice word, very pretty. So is 'blue.' But we do know that Spike's eyes are blue, so maybe just maybe we don't need to be told every second sentence. Same with the hair-color. Which means that constant use of 'the blonde' is just as out.

* Spike's soft hair - Oh please. After twenty years of bleaching? You wish.
(There is a brilliant story by Zero that deals with the fact that even Spike has his imperfections and is on some level just a guy)

* childe - noooooo please. As a real parent I find the vibe off-putting. Makes me think of small kids, not of sexy vampires. The whole concept of vicious killers turning into cuddly poppa-bears for their adored childe makes me cringe. (However I *do* see different emotional ties when the vamps are souled)

* sable hair - Ask me what Nicholas Brendan's haircolor is and I sure as hell won't say sable. *snort*

* beautiful - a word to be used with care. How about 'handsome', 'good-looking' and 'attractive'?

* pulsing - in conjunction with certain parts of the male anatomy I think 'throbbing' is the nicer image. Just saying.

* baited breath - shouldn't that be 'bated'?

*sucking - a lovely word used to describe what mouths do. Not so great for other orifices. Anataomically impossible too.

I used to love the badfic thread at TwoP. *Sigh* I never got into the habit of visiting its new home. Sometimes I wonder if [livejournal.com profile] mikelesq shouldn't resurrect it here. Sometimes I even wonder if I shouldn't quote a few paragraphs of truly horrible writing, but I don't really feel like offending someone.

Oooh, maybe I can do it behind cut tags. Do not read if m/m smut offends you. Do not read if you think pointing out bad writing is mean. But if you do read it please tell me, is it just me or does this really suck? Is this so-called purple prose?



"Slowly, Spike raised his body until only the bulbous head of Angel's cock remained inside him. Watching those velvety brown eyes flare with gold as Spike slid down again joining them together again was nearly Spike's undoing. Angel's eyes were held mesmerized as he watched the place where his body joined Spike's. He stared as Spike rose again; seeing his hardness bathed in his
Childe's blood disappear into that hidden reasure once again."

later:
"Over and over, Angel slid his way home into the only place he felt truly alive. Inside his beautiful childe."
Wickedly Delicious by Amy.

[identity profile] marguerite-26.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 05:43 am (UTC)(link)
I love my Estepheia a little bit on the snarky side.
Never change. ;)
:licks your chocolate orbs: They are chocolate aren't they? Or are they blueberry? Mint? Licorice?

[identity profile] janedavitt.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 06:27 am (UTC)(link)
Ooh, I just called Dru's hair sable in my new fic...but it was Spike's thought and he was waxing poetical; does that count? ;-)
I know what you mean; I don't have a problem with 'childe' but I don't think I'd ever use 'orbs'. What makes me giggle? Love juices. What's with that?

Orbs

[identity profile] auntyk.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 06:35 am (UTC)(link)
I think the worst reference I ever saw to orbs, was some tv show that had the male character say "I love your alabaster orbs" - he was talking about the female characters breasts.....it was such a poor choice on the writers part.


K

[identity profile] estepheia.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, don't worry, it's fine in a character's perspective, but for the narrator's voice 'sable' is a bit purple...
Love juices - giggle

[identity profile] estepheia.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 06:57 am (UTC)(link)
not chocolatey, no. More a moldy grey-green-blue. Are you sure you still want to lick my orbs, o sweet minion?

Re:

[identity profile] marguerite-26.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 07:14 am (UTC)(link)
Moldy grey-green-blue? Eyes like the sea after a storm? :sigh:
I'll definitely still lick them.
:lick: Mmm salty.
ext_7885: Photo of Bitch,please Scarlet O'Hara (Default)

[identity profile] scarlettgirl.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 07:31 am (UTC)(link)
I used to love the badfic thread at TwoP.

It was a sad day when "Baby" killed the badfic thread! ITA agree with the eyes/eating vibe. I just read a fic this a.m. with that particular phrase. It takes me out of the mood immediately. Ewww.

[identity profile] 7spoons.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 07:35 am (UTC)(link)
I'm right there with you on orbs. I never need to hear that word again, except in reference to shiny magic orbs, eg. of Thessula (sp?). Also, I have a thing about "the blonde" and "the brunette" as substitutes for Spike and Xander. I know the pronoun thing is a problem in S/X fic, but identifying them by their hair color skeeves me out for some reason. And any mention of chocolate in connection to Xander makes me flinch. It's just been done to death.

[identity profile] db2305.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 07:41 am (UTC)(link)
Love your peeves - many of them are mine. How about " he couldn't breath" ; the blonde and/or the brunette for men? he didn't fair so well?
Although cerulean orbs is a topper - hard to go down lower than that.
Velvety orbs - tactile imagery combined with eyes. Ew.
I'm not sure about beautiful - okay, I should think, from a clear POV. Bad when it is intended as purely descriptive, from an all-seeing perspective.

[identity profile] janedavitt.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
That bugs me because, as men, it should be 'blond' and 'brunet'anyway. Although, checking the dictionary, 'brunette' might be allowed for both m/f.

[identity profile] mpoetess.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 07:52 am (UTC)(link)
I believe there is an LJ version of the old TWOP badfic thread -- it's the [livejournal.com profile] badbuffyfic community.

[identity profile] kita0610.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 08:39 am (UTC)(link)
Yea. That qualifies as hideous.

And can we learn the difference between loose and lose, please? You don't loose someone, unless they are attatched to you by a chain. Which is possible in fic, I suppose, but that's not the point...Ahem.

(Anonymous) 2003-04-14 08:42 am (UTC)(link)
I just have to ask: do you ever feel like you're wasting your breath? You keep complaining about the exact same thing over and over and over and over. Not only that, but you complain about the most obvious badfic problems- ones that everyone else has complained about ad nauseam.

I'm just not sure what you're trying to achieve. The badfic writers are going to ignore you, and the good writers already know this stuff. I hardly think that we need a post from you every five minutes to remind us of what we already know to be wrong.

-Birdie

(Anonymous) 2003-04-14 09:01 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for saying what I was thinking. I'd much rather hear about all the good fic that is out there (and contrary to popular belief, there is some) than constantly hear the same peeves over and over again. All it does it make the complainer seem self-righteous.

What's next, a two page essay on the use of their, there and they're?

Sigh.

- Dudette

[identity profile] miggy.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 09:25 am (UTC)(link)
Fortunately, people don't have to tailor what they write in their personal journal that they pay to maintain to suit your desires of what you'd "much rather read."

[identity profile] estepheia.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 09:40 am (UTC)(link)
I think this does not count as every five minutes, Birdie.
This fic just stunned me because the author was obviously able to format, spell, use grammar and tap into a relatively large vocabulary.

Don't worry, I don't intend to make this a regular badfic LJ, but since I rec fic here, I think I can also occasionally discuss bad stuff.

Besides, I myself learned a lot from other people's posts about their pet peeves. I made very common mistakes when I started writing and I would still make them if I hadn't stumbled over rants like this one. It stung a bit at first, but I'll live.

Peace

Re: Orbs

[identity profile] carolyn-claire.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 09:42 am (UTC)(link)
Long ago, in XF fandom, someone complained about the use of 'globular' to describe Scully's breasts. Said it made her think of snot. Blech.

[identity profile] carolyn-claire.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 09:44 am (UTC)(link)
Yes! Hooray for lj! *bg*

[identity profile] whimsicalnotion.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 09:53 am (UTC)(link)

I think it's turning into a frightening trend for you to trash the work of others in a manner that’s more likely to cause the author to want to curl up in a little ball and die, than to actually attempt to improve in any way. The worrying thing is that it’s fast becoming a bandwagon that others are only to willing to jump on. It’s ridicule in most cases not constructive criticism. This hasn’t happened to me personally yet, but on behalf of the people it has, I want to say ‘Hey, no fair!’.

I know you recommend fiction also and kudos to you for that, but surely that doesn't give you the right to trash others so carelessly. You appear to be highly respected throughout the lj community and throughout the Buffy fandom so your words carry weight. Perahps you would consider keeping that in mind.

Buddy

[identity profile] ahedonia.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 09:53 am (UTC)(link)
(There is a brilliant story by Zero that deals with the fact that even Spike has his imperfections and is on some level just a guy)

A title, please - perhaps a link? Now you've got me wanting to read it.

As far as my $.02 goes, I'd like there to be a seminar on the difference between "taut" and "taunt". One does not have a "taunt" belly or thigh muscles - unless those body parts are actively teasing someone with cruel jabs about sensitive subjects.

(Anonymous) 2003-04-14 09:55 am (UTC)(link)
You said:
I think this does not count as every five minutes, Birdie.
____

Thanks for your reply. You're right, that was an exaggeration. But I have seen you making these same arguements on lists, in LJ communities, etc. I have seen multiple rants from you regarding the use of "whelp", as well as other prevalent S/X problems. Believe me, I'm not saying you're wrong in what you're ranting about, because I agree completely. I just wonder if you were to weigh the benefits of occasionally turning the odd newbie in the right direction with the costs of being perceived as redundant and preachy, would you continue to rant so frequently?

-Birdie

[identity profile] estepheia.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 10:00 am (UTC)(link)
Nuda Veritas by Zero.

SUMMARY: The lies that hurt the most are the ones we tell ourselves, and
the truths that cause us pain are the ones we most need to face.
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: Buffy/Spike

Brilliant!

[identity profile] estepheia.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 10:18 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, thanks, I didn't know that.
It's nice to know there's a proper place for my peeves.
(I honestly didn't think this post would create such a stir...)

(Anonymous) 2003-04-14 10:21 am (UTC)(link)
If only it were restricted to LJ I would agree with you, but when I see the same rants from the same people multiple times on mailing lists, on websites, and on forums, it just reeks of extreme redundancy. Commenting on LJ seemed like the easiest way of saying this.

It's like the ultimate form of preaching to the choir - who the hell is going to argue? I don't disagree with what was said, just the fact that it was said at all when it's all been said before.

- Dudette

[identity profile] mpoetess.livejournal.com 2003-04-14 10:36 am (UTC)(link)
Were you *on* Nummytreats the last time someone (ok, er, Stef) made a peeves post? It wasn't preaching to the choir -- it was a smorgasbord of "Oh my god, do people actually care about that?" and "For the love of all soft and fuzzy creatures, it's Just Fanfic!" and "I'm glad somebody had the nerve to bring this up..."

It may have all been said before, but there's always new people reading it -- and even if the only ones who appreciate it *are* the choir, there's plenty of us who are gratified to know that we're not the only ones out there who are going to gack if we see one more use of the phrase "His Nummy."

Page 1 of 3