My life sucks

[estepheia]

Halloween party? - not yet planned
Laundry? - still have to fold tons (plus I just remembered that I forgot to hang up the last batch, darn!)
RPG adventure? - not prepared
Pizza for lunch? - almost burned (stupid oven)
Spike/Tara? - wrote maybe 150 words
My AtS5x05 download - at 18% with 14 1/2 hours to go.
Tomorrow (my only free afternoon)? - I'm supposed to go to kindergarten and make a lantern. I hate everything to do with painting or glueing. *whine*

I got a lecture today from one of the neighbors, that I'm not doing my kids a favor by letting them have a Halloween party. I should tap into local tradition and celebrate St. Martin's (whatever that is). Swell.

At least I won an ebay auction for cheap playmo.
Right now I'm waiting for hubby to call so I can pick him up from the train station. Also, I should probably feed the kids. *sigh*

Also, I'm having a crisis of confidence. ladycat777 is a peach, giving me pep talks, petting my head etc, telling me my writing has improved over the past year or so, but right now I feel like hacking off my typing fingers, because I don't like anything I touch. There is this (unposted) Fanged Four scene I wrote two years ago. I looked at it today and somehow I felt like I hadn't really improved one iota. I made a few minor changes to it, but not as many as I would have expected. And my Spike/Tara piece looks too... plotty. Which is ridiculous because it doesn't really have a complicated plot. But the focus is on the wrong things. Ack. Shoot. Me. Now.

Comments

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Wish I had more to offer than that.

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Hugs are great. :-)
Thanks.
I'm sure I'll get out of this mood again, maybe it's hormones, but right now I'm just hostage to this feeling of inadequacy. Grrrr.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

We've all been there! :)

*hugs*

You'll feel better. We all believe in you and love your writing. How could so many of us be wrong? *grin*

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I love your icon (Sometimes it's nice to be shallow - it's so pretty, that's definitely designed to put a quick smile on my face).
*smooch*

How could so many of us be wrong? *grin*
Um, have you seen how much feedback some really awful stories get? On the other hand, it's quality not quantity that counts, and getting feedback and hugs from people who's writing I like (like yours) and who I really like and respect, that's a true balm. :-)

Maybe I should blame my cough for all my woes. It's bugged me for several weeks now and it's giving me a headache. I guess I'll have to go for antibiotics again, like every sodding October. Grrrrr.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Hey, I like pretty icons, too. I smile every time I see your Spike spinning the poles icon. Ooh, look, there it is. *smile*

Yes, sure, bad stories do get lots of feedback, but your readers are discerning. We're not wrong. ;)

Feeling bad physically always brings me down mentally. You should take care of yourself.

Screw your neighbors

[libco.livejournal.com]

Halloween is an old holiday with ancient roots. So there!

Re: Screw your neighbors

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Oh we have Walpurgisnacht where the witches fly to a gathering. I know it's old. Stupid neighbor (but I really don't want to screw him - eek - LOL). :-)

Re: Screw your neighbors

[libco.livejournal.com]

Really though I have some envy. You can dress up during Fasching as well.

Re: Screw your neighbors

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

As a parent I have to say that Fasching is dreaded rather than looked forward to.

I think it's been five years since I last dressed up for Fasching. :-(
I went as a Wild West gambler, with aces sticking out of my sleeves. :-)
Hubby went as a Beagle Boy with fake nose and dynamite. He won the costume contest.

St. Martin's is

[blondegirlchris.livejournal.com]

what you made the lantern for. you know, the guy who shared his coat.

Re: St. Martin's is

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Oh. Right. We do that too, go around with a lantern.
Who says we can't have both? :-)

[kittygoslingp.livejournal.com]

Your write fabulous stuff and I'm going to keep this short because I'm supposed to be getting up soon and I haven't gone to bed yet but the thing that immediately springs to my mind and which I absolutely love of yours is that story you did of Spike and Andrew. It was funny, it was sexy, it was, within its own parameters, plausible (you made Spike and Andrew plausible!?). You've written lots of wonderful things but for some reason you're getting up hung up on one thing you wrote two years ago.

It sounds to me like you just have a little too much to do, things which are kind of for or dependant on other people - which is a bit nerve-wracking.

Your kids are going to have a blast at Hallowe'en. You know what, its the one festival that even now makes me feel really homesick and that's because we always had fun (have you heard of the bobbing apples in a basin of water game - towels to the fore - and you can also bob for apples hung from the clothes line in the slightly spooky garden). My parents were big stressers but for Hallowe'en we didn't put that much work into it, we didn't get bent out of shape, preparing special food and stuff (though we always had lots of nuts) having to save money and buy gifts - we didn't have to. We got to dress up in any old rubbish, eat way too many sweets, go out after dark (do you remember how thrilling and scary that was as a little kid) basically it's the one feast where it should be easy to have a good time.

If you have a party for a bunch of little kids what will they, in Germany, really know about whether your got the authentic, ersatz experience down? They won't but then they won't care either, a party's a party, they're little kids, they'll have fun and don't let any non-party-giving adult give you the evil eye either (and if they do you have my permission to soap their windows, see how they like that).

Hoping that by the weekend, once everything's been cleaned up and you've been praised to the high heavens for your efforts, hospitality, creativity and kindness you are feeling back to your normal lovely self.

PS Has anyone told you about grapes in jelly (eyeballs)?

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Kitty, I just found your post. *kicks LJ* For some reason LJ doesn't send update mails very reliably, these days, and it's doing all kinds of other weird things.

Thank you very much for the lovely pep talk.
Yes, I guess I do fret too much about things I'm supposed to do for other people. But I dislike myself, if I become (too) unreliable. I guess my bad health didn't help either.

Anyway, the Halloween shindig came out ok. The kids expected a scarier party, but with my four-year-old in the mix I wasn't taking any chances. They were allowed to watch the first five minutes of The Nightmare Before Christmas - which I find incredibly creepy. They had lots of sweets, although most of them came from me (I kinda expected the neighborhood to be slow on the uptake or even unwilling, so I was well stocked, heck we still have enough choccie for weeks, which the hubby will probably polish off in a few days).

We didn't do eyeballs, because I was too lazy to peel grapes, and I was horribly pushed for time... the cut off fingers (sausages) were fine and the witches' brew (apple juice dyed green) went down well, too. It was a success and the kids had fun. Next year I will be more relaxed, everything will be an old hat. :-)

Thank you very much for your kind comments regarding 'Knocking on Heaven's Door' - I must admit, I'm quite partial to this one too. Often, when I go back to older stuff, I'm embarrassed and feel like 'fixing' things, but KoHD is one where that desire hasn't arisen yet. :-) It was a tough sell, but I really enjoyed writing it. I wish I could browbeat a vidder into doing a constructed reality vid to the song and the story. *sigh*

So, again thanks for the pep talk. I really appreciate it.