Still here - only not so much

[estepheia]

Haven't updated in ages. I guess I'm drifting away from fandom. Also, I spent way too much time playing various neopet games. *sigh* However, I wasn't a total slacker. Among other things I wrote a poem the other day, and I attended the Writers Ink birthday party. Yesterday I danced till my feet were sore. Every few months, our dance club flies in a teacher from Ireland. He's here this weekend. The second part of the workshop will be this afternoon. Ouch.
I finally wrote the dreaded course evaluation and handed it in. And I spent many hours packing and sorting through books and old video tapes, trying to decide what to donate and what to throw away. Moving is on my mind a lot. Also my non-fandom related writing projects. On Monday I had a writers' meeting at my place and read a scene from my vampire story, the one that I haven't touched in months, and the reactions were so positive that I'm thinking about it again. Yay!
I also received good feedback on a few poems I wrote. But on the whole I find it difficult to be creative. I can't turn off the censor-part of my brain - and therefore I always screech to a halt after just a few lines...
My therapist tells me to stop striving for 200% perfection... *sigh* Believe me, I would if I could.
Anyway, as you can see I'm not dead, sick, or gone, just in a different headspace. I'm sure I'll be back eventually.
Toodles. *waves*

Comments

[shapinglight]

I guess I'm drifting away from fandom.

Oh, dear! You too? I was just thinking yesterday how quiet it was and remembering all the people on my flist who have more or less stopped posting.

Oh, well, it's inevitable really, I know. I hope you'll continue to drop by now and again and let us know what you're up to.

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Oh, I will continue to drop in, don't worry - but to be honest, reading my flist has low priority these days. I sometimes feel that fandom was my haven when I was unhappy and depressed and aimless. My life is full of other activities now, I am working and making a tiny bit of money, we're moving, and I'm involved as a parent representative in the schoolboard meetings and whatnot... The dance club eats up my time...

God, I was soooo exhausted yesterday, I could barely speak in coherent sentences...

But I'm not gone entirely. I have some Riley/Spike porn on my HD that I'm tinkering with. Who knows, one day it may see the light of day. I don't want to burden myself with another abandoned WIP, hence the not posting it. :-)

I still dream of finishing my other WIPs. I have to get into a regular writing pattern again. Soon, I hope.

And yeah, I know what you mean. My flist is either quiet or posting on BSG...
I'm glad you're still around. :-)

[shapinglight]

I'm glad to hear you're so busy and from the sound of it, finding it very satisfying. I think of my own time of writing fanfic as of finite duration too because I know that at some point this year I will have to get a full time job and then I simply won't have time.

I hope you can finish the Spike/Riley thing one day. It sounds interesting. As for me, I shall be in the fandom until the bitter end, I think. I'm not interested in being in 'fandom', only in the Buffyverse fandom.

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're being productive at any rate. My fannishness waxes and wanes too, so I know where you're coming from.

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope we won't lose touch. Waxing and waning is okay, I guess. I miss being in that fandomy headspace, but right now I can't afford losing myself there, you know?

:-)

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

With you totally. I won't be go anywhere, no matter how little or much I have to say about fandom.

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

Waves back.

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

*tickles you*

[sueworld2003.livejournal.com]

*Waves back*

Have a great time in the 'real world' but visit the 'loonies now and again' because hell, we'll still be here!

*hug*

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

Hee. RL is alright these days. I strive to be a good mom and I try to earn a little, and I try to look after myself health-wise... But my creativity is at an all time low. *sigh*
I think I need a vacation. LOL.

Don't worry, I won't forget you guys. I sincerely hope you'll be there to read my fanfic if and when I jump into fanfic writing again. :-)

*Hug*

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

*waves back* It sounds like you've got a lot going on!

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

busybusybusy indeed.
It's nice to have a lot going on. There's a sense of momentum that is directly opposed to my usual end-of-winter depression.
Mind you, I'm beginning to suspect that part of my creativity lived in that depression. :-)

[tesla321.livejournal.com]

Well, LJ isn't just about fandom----it enables people to have global friends. How many people just post about fandoms, anyway? Please keep on letting us know about the move, the poetry, and the girls!

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

You're right of course. :-)
Which is why I'll post the poem that I wrote. Heck, why not?
It's true, LJ has put me in touch with so many great people! Who often put things into perspective.
So yeah, I'll definitely keep you guys up to speed. :-)
*hug*